Today, as we headed to church, I (Krisha) was really yearning for worship. I thought all morning amidst the crazyness of showering, packing the food for the Easter lunch, getting Chase ready, feeding Zoe (or wait, did Brian feed the dog?), and gathering our belongings that I wanted my heart prepared before worshipping. I wanted to feel as if I could go into church and concentrate on Jesus without my kid screaming, without arguing with my husband over whose turn it was to do a chore, and without coming back home into an overwhelming mess that would stare me in the face and tempt me to clean on the Sabbath.
But then it occured to me, NOW is when I need worship the most. Not when I've prepared myself and had a quiet moment (b/c Lord knows THAT hasn't happened this week!). But Now. Now is when my heart needs to let go of the dirty dishes, the fact that we don't have groceries for next week, that my son has been sick now for 2 weeks (and myself as well) and just when I thought he was getting better has managed to have an allergic reaction to... well.. we've narrowed it down to about 16 things. :) Now is when I need to clear my conscience and fully repent and ask forgiveness for the mean and critical words I've said to my husband. Now is when I need to confess the moments that my heart was hard and unable to see my sin or the times I could clearly see my sin and yet still tried to justify myself. Now is the time that I need to realize that Jesus is bigger than me and being stuck in my little world is what prohibits me from being His servant in the bigger world around me. Now is the time my heart needs those elements of Bread and Wine to have a physical, tangible reminder of His atoning work. Now is the time I need to sing to Jesus and not look around at what the person next to me is wearing or scorn myself for not painting my toenails. Now is the time I need to forget my pettyness and remember the essence of Christ's depth. Now is the time that eyes need to shift from their morbid introspection to the glorious light of Christ's face.
One thing that God pressed upon my heart today was the depth of Christ's love. Just when I think I understand a passage, God goes deeper and further explains the signficance of JUST HOW MUCH Christ humbly and perfectly loves us. And my heart is further penetrated with the Truth. I often cling to that same hope with human relationships. Marriage, friendships, and even family relationships. Why are there such obstacles to true and intimate relationship? Why so many heartaches, so many sufferings, so many taboo subjects or so many areas of dissension? Why do our hearts longs for things that even our spouse, who knows us best, just cannot give us?
I honestly believe that God gives us longings that only He can fulfill. It's true that our hearts are idol factories, constantly producing things to fill our deepest longings.
My heart was thirsty for Truth, eager to give God glory and surrender myself in all of my pettyness to Him. I was
ready for worship.
"...It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Mark 2:17)
"Come, ye weary, heavy-laden,
Lost and ruined by the fall;
If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all."
("Come Ye Sinners," Joseph Hart pub. 1759)
Chase finding his thumb
He's got that "I just scarfed my birthday cake" look in his eye!
He pretty much inhaled his strawberry bday cake. And here I was worried about how it looked. (Notice that his eyes almost look crossed. He does this when he focuses in on something really closely. It's quite hilarious.)
Asleep in his carseat.
Cuddling with daddy.
Victory!
