Parenting: Finding Rest

I remember back to Chase's early months where he'd fall asleep on me or Brian and how I just loved it. I loved knowing Chase was resting on me and that nothing could harm him; I could feel him breathing and hear his little sighs. I would lay there no matter how uncomfortable it was just to cherish those moments with my son.

As he's gotten bigger, he doesn't exactly like to sit still, much less fall asleep on us. But sometimes, just sometimes, if I wrestle with him long enough, I can convince him that I make the best resting place.
Does anyone else think it's funny that when your kid is sleepy, they fight their nap more than anything?! Why is this? You'd think someone tired would find enjoyment in being laid to rest.

I'm learning that rest is not only a discipline for kids to learn (one which affects their mood all day), but also that I myself struggle with resting. I'm not necessarily talking about enough sleep. I mean rest as in, not pushing myself beyond my limits; actually having a cutoff for what is to be "worried about today" and what is left for tomorrow. I think I mistakenly go after each day carrying the wait of not just daily burdens but long-term burdens. This makes me wearisome from the get-go. (On a sidenote, I admire those who have hearts big enough to be long-suffering without getting depressed over life's sorrows; those who let their hearts grieve over the sin that has entered the world without relying upon distraction to survive; those who have a disciplined work ethic and yet find enjoyment in rest, trusting that rest is a good thing and that God not only allows for it, but prescribes it. I think I will only know that balance in heaven.)

I am typically a super-disciplined person. But that's the problem. I have a love-hate relationship with rest: I know that I need it and that it's good for my sanity and I'm probably a much nicer individual when I get it; but I hate its unproductive, lazy, wastefulness. Part of me would much rather be checking items off my to do list; but this is my "do-it-myself" mentality.

Unfortunately, this extends to the gospel. I'd often rather rely on my hard work than simply come to my Father's arms and rest. The truth is I don't always know how. My body, mind and spirit seem to fight rest and yet I crave rest and peace of mind.

God has to wrestle me (usually through feeling sick or overwhelmed) to the point where I give in. Fortunately no broken hip as in Jacob's case.

Today I feel like waving the white flag.